


Breaking News in a Galaxy Far, Far Away - The Shocking Truth Finally Revealed

by whenanangelfalls



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Bromance, Friendship, Funny, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 03:52:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6407665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whenanangelfalls/pseuds/whenanangelfalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A long-lost, unaired HoloNet News report uncovers the complete truth behind the Battle of Coruscant, showing a never-before-seen footage of Anakin Skywalker and Obi-Wan Kenobi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Breaking News in a Galaxy Far, Far Away - The Shocking Truth Finally Revealed

  

( _The scenes of the ongoing battle were censored and subsequently replaced with blue screen due to the gruesome deaths of clones._ )

The HoloNet News has obtained a classifed army footage of the recent Battle of Coruscant featuring none other than the two most revered heroes of the Clone Wars themselves. However, the images are of the most alarming nature. **_Obi-Wan Kenobi, the proverbial Negotiator, Sithslayer and a member of the Jedi Council, can’t tell his left from his right!_** There have always been rumours that Master Kenobi isn’t very fond of flying but the full extent of his piloting incapacity was never so blatantly exposed. One would say he would take some pointers from his former Padawan Anakin Skywalker but it seems that the apple didn’t fall far from the Kenobi tree, so to speak. To be fair, Skywalker, a Jedi Ace himself and hailed by many as the best starpilot in the Galaxy, can indeed tell his left from his right, and what’s more, he can also tell his ups and downs as is apparent from this exchange between him and Kenobi during the battle:

> _OWK: “Break right and go high.”_
> 
> _AS: “I’m going low and left.” (Note: Skywalker is obviously aware of Kenobi’s handicap.)_

Nevertheless, it’s his theoretical knowledge of the proper names of the aerial means of transport that leaves much to be desired - _**our beloved “Hero With No Fear” has NO IDEA what he is actually flying!**_ We venture to guess it must have been a long time since he opened his copy of “The Definitive Guide to Spaceships and Vehicles” ( _a treasured gift from Master Kenobi for the Galactic Christmas 13 years ago, we hear_ ). 

  

The Coruscant skyline hasn’t faced such threat and mayhem in years. Not since that fateful night 3 years ago when the very same Master-Apprentice Team “commandeered” Simon Greyshade’s yellow XJ-6 airspeeder while chasing Senator Amidala’s assassin. During their pursuit they committed theft, endangering of the public, trespassing, 487 breaches of the Coruscant Galactic Highway Code ( _the highest number in its history_ ), and grievous bodily harm, to name a few. **_If our lives truly rest on the shoulders of these two “heroes” who are clearly a danger to themselves and everyone around them, perhaps it has come the time to ask ourselves: CAN WE PANIC NOW?!_**

This new revelation begs a question how exactly is the Jedi Temple teaching their Younglings and whether the Council shouldn’t consider introducing an education reform. Master Yoda who’s been in charge of the Younglings education for the last 700 years was unavailable to comment on this…

_|| - an excerpt from an unedited, never before seen HoloNet News Channel’s report; the content was banned by the Chancellor’s office ||_


End file.
